You know those relationships?
The ones that just… chafe? The ones that leave you feeling irritated, frustrated, and maybe even a little hopeless. You find yourself thinking, “They’ve always been this way. They’re never going to change.” And you start to dread the next time you have to interact with them, replaying past hurts in your mind.
I was stuck in one of those cycles. I felt troubled by a situation for months and dreaded a future encounter, thinking I had this person all figured out. I had put them in a box, labeled them, and sealed the lid.
But then, as a little nudge from the Holy Spirit often comes, I stumbled upon a YouTube video from a channel called “Called to More.” And the speaker had this powerful insight that just stopped me in my tracks.
He talked about how this way of thinking and putting people into boxes is a serious trap. When we do this, we're not just limiting the person; we're limiting God and His grace. We're essentially saying, “God, I know this person, and I know what they are. Your grace, which is infinite and powerful, won't be enough to change them.”
Think about that for a second.
That's a huge thing to say!
It's like we're letting our thinking get "calcified" and hardened, which in turn limits our own capacity to see people with hope, to believe in the transforming power of God's grace, and to see their hearts changing and growing.
Instead of loving them, we start to psychoanalyze them and we turn them into a problem to be solved rather than a person to be loved. And that’s a real temptation, isn’t it? It feels safer to put someone in a category than to open our hearts and be vulnerable to them.
But here’s the key takeaway he shared that really unlocked things for me: We have a free will, a heart, and an intellect, and we must put love first.
Any generalization or categorization of a person must be put at the service of love. Why? Because as St. Paul tells us,
“Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right” -- 1 Corinthians 13:4-6
I'm feeling a bit better now, and while I know fully embracing this person with an open heart is a long journey, I feel so much more equipped to handle it.
I've started praying differently. I've been asking God to come into that relationship with me. I've asked Him to bless my strengths and to help me grow in love and appreciation for Him and others. I'm starting to see that this isn't about me "fixing" them; it’s about me loving them better, just as I’m called to do.
One thing I definitely need to stop is the overthinking and having those the mental boxing matches I’ve been having. I’m giving all of that to God now, trusting that His grace can do what my frustration and hopelessness cannot.
What about you? Have you ever felt the weight of boxing someone in your mind? How did you break free?
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16 Aug 2025
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